The Bachelor Party

So Saturday I was lounging at my apartment watching X-Men when there was a knock at my door. When I opened it my two best men Ryan and Jeff rushed in and proceeded to pull me out of my apartment.

The bachelor party was on!

So first we went to the hotel where we met up with my cousins. I was so happy to see Marc, Andrew, Mike, and Harris all loaded into a cab and ready to go. I was so afraid some of them wouldn’t make it that I was overjoyed when I saw them there!

First stop, Radicchio Cafe. Kevin, one of my groomsmen, had been a trooper and was waiting for our pose to show up while trying to hold a table for an hour and a half. He waited in the cold while sick as a dog so that we would have first dibs when our lazy asses showed up. This place served up really good food and despite Ryan and Jeff forgetting two of our three bottles of wine we were still able to get our drink on since a kind table donated a bottle of wine to our cause. For picking this awesome place and going the extra mile I give Kevin a huge thanks. You Fucking Rock^TM!

So after steaks and fish and a butt load of appetizers we went off to our next destination. Dave & Busters. In case you haven't noticed yet I'm a video game junkie. As such I've always enjoyed going there and tonight was no different. I was able to finally beat Time Crisis 2 thanks to the help of Ryan and his sharp shooting skills. Awesome time. The best part was as we were winding down around 11:30 I caught up with Andrew and he said, "Wanna do a shot?"

"Hell yeah!" I replied and off we went with Mike and Jeff to get shots of Tequila.

While waiting (or right after, my memory starts getting a little fuzzy here) Andrew put his arm around me and said something along the lines of, "You know I have always thought of you as a real cousin." That warmed my heart as I always thought of him and the rest of my step cousins as real cousins. I was so happy to hear that he felt the same. I remember thinking, "Can this night get any better?" Well as I was about to learn, naked girls make everything better.

So off we went back to the hotel. I helped Ryan bring the case of Yuengling and forgotten wines up to the room. Passing the front desk of the hotel the man working there said, "No heavy drinking please." I simply replied, "We won't."

Sucker!

So back at the hotel room we all cracked open the beer and waited for the main event. Strippers! When they arrived we were not disappointed. Two hot strippers (and one bouncer that wasn't so hot) showed up at the room a little after midnight and the party went straight to 11! So many great stories could be told, but I think I will leave it here so that only those present can know the tale of the "Double Cock Knee Rub".

So a little after 1 AM the party broke up with my cousins heading to Atlantic City to test Lady Luck while Kevin went home to nurse his cold. That left Jeff, Ryan, myself, about 6 beers and a bottle of Ryan's home made wine. It wasn't easy but I am proud to say that we finished off all the offending alcohol and I personally took care of about half of that bottle of wine. I was loopy and happy. It was an awesome time and I want to thank everyone that made it such a memorable night (and gave me an amazing hangover). Thank you all.

Jeff you did an awesome job with the strippers (as well as anyone else that assisted in that task).Ryan, thank you for pulling this all together and sweating all the details (as I know only you can). I had a great time. Mission accomplished!

Now onto the sad part of this past weekend. Apparently the asshats at the evil radio corporation called Radio One decided to pull the plug on the last alternative rock station left in the Philadelphia area. They decided in their finite wisdom that a generic, lower ranking, crappy R&B station was worth firing all of the DJs that had helped raise over 400 tons of food for the needy, promoted local Philly bands, and ran the last awesome radio station in Philadelphia. Thankfully not everybody is taking this sitting down. So do me and the thousands of other loyal Y100 listeners a favor and sign the petition against this at Y100rocks.com and show these asshats that they fucked with the wrong city. Good luck all you Y100 DJs. You all Fucking Rock^TM and I will be listening for where you will turn up next. Until then I will be using my iPod while in the car much, much more often.

Fuck you Radio One. It’s early in the year but I think you will win the coveted "Dead Guinea Pig Up Your Ass" award (fyi- only slightly less well known than the Oscars) for your shity treatment of Philadelphia's rock scene. Fuck you hard!

But the bachelor party Fucking Rocked^TM! (I couldn’t end this on such a downer, especially since Saturday was the most fun I have had in ages).

You Know You're Serious When...

Gather around all you spam bots and I'll tell you when you know you're in a serious relationship.

It is when you allow your tools to commingle. You see Rita has a rather extensive set of hand-me-down tools while I was always able to make due with a bare minimum. So yesterday I picked up a sweet new tool box and moved all of our tools into it. Afterward I looked upon it mildly impressed with my 1337 tool organization when it occurred to me that this was a big step. We commingled our tools! We haven't even done that yet with our CDs and just started to integrate our movies and books. I was proud that this step had been taken and wanted to share it. So naturally I brought it up when my manager at work asked me, "So how are the wedding jitters going?"

"Not so bad." I replied, "We moved all of our tools into one toolbox yesterday."

"You did WHAT!?"

"We, um, commingled our tools."

"That's pretty serious. I've been married to my second husband for years and our tools still don't ever touch!"

I never thought that this could have been a taboo! But that is Rita and I, two rebels tearing down the walls of the convention. Call me a dirty liberal, but maybe someday her CDs can be with mine in the 5 disc changer at the same time.

Gack! 17 Days to go!

T minus 17 days until my wedding. Holy crap!

I freaked out today when I realized I still had not purchased the presents for the groomsmen. So a quick run to the store and I got that taken care of, but there are still so many little details to finish!

I'm trying not to stress out because I know that doing so won't help. Rita and I have a running joke that goes something like this:

"I'm so stressed about this thing."

"Do you need to freak out?

"Yes, but I don't have time in my schedule to do that until three days from now"

It would be funny if it weren't true. I don't think I'm as bad as my bud Ryan was, but I can certainly see how he got to that point.

You see when I showed up early for his wedding rehearsal he was out running errands. So I hung around and waited for him. When he showed up he ran into his house, grabbed some things and started back to the car saying, "You coming!?"

So I jumped into his passenger seat and in less than a quarter of a mile I knew deep down that Ryan shouldn't be operating heavy machinery in the state that he was in. I tried to stay calm and I think I did a good job (my secret was to close my eyes and think of Christmas. Thanks Dragnet!).

I should be honest, I was able to keep calm until Ryan blew a stop sign.

"You know there was a stop sign at that intersection, right?" I asked him in one of my famous holy shit high pitched terror induced squeaks.

"Those things aren't important!" Ryan snapped followed by, "Why are you singing Jingle Bells?"

So to all of you spam bots out there the moral of this story is, dead guinea pigs tell no tales.

Hmmm, I thought I had a point for this. Maybe I should stop posting entries after my bed time.

Katamari Damacy

Every now and again a video game comes around that makes you take a step back and think, "Holy crap those Japanese programmers are insane." Katamari Damacy is one of those games. It starts with the opening music, continues with the intro video, and almost immediately you are humming the song constantly and slowly driving your fiancée crazy. Then you start playing and you can't stop.

If you haven't seen this game the premise is this. Your father, the King of All Cosmos, went on a bender and destroyed all the stars in the sky. In order to correct this he calls upon his pint sized prince (you) and makes him create new stars by rolling up all the crap you can find on Earth (think what you used to do with Play-Doh when you were a kid). You beat a level by getting the size of stuff you rolled up to a certain size before time runs out. Then your pop will launch it into space, turning it into a star. That's it but surprisingly you don't need anymore than that to really enjoy this game.

So in conclusion this is probably the most original game I have played since Animal Crossing and I am overjoyed to hear that they are making a sequel. Congrats to all you insane Japanese programmers, you made a kick ass game!

The Pump

OK, I was just publishing my first Quickie while watching TV when a Reebok has brought back the pumpable shoe. Good Lord! Have we left the eighties for the nineties already!? You know, we really don't need to relive every freaking decade of the twentieth century.

Listen to me all you dead guinea pigs, just let it die and let's start some new trends for a change.

Quickie #1: The Baby's Bottle

From the Ryan School of Baby Sitting:

Me: "Did you check to see if the bottle was too hot for Ella?"

Ryan: "Is she screaming?"

You Heard it Here First.

So I don't know about in your neck of the woods, but where I live there are at least two new radio spots featuring Hoobastank and Avril Lavigne talking about before they got huge you heard them first on the radio. Now I can think of numerous examples to disprove this, but today I want to talk about a new band that I did hear first on the radio.

Local H is a rock band that I heard on what Y100 calls "The Play of the Day". This is where the DJ on duty picks an obscure song or obscure version of a popular song and plays it. Well today's obscure song by Local H took everyone's favorite trailer park girl's song, Toxic, and did a rock-n-roll cover of it. I laughed my arse off. So all you spam bots should do a search for this song and give it a listen because you may end up thinking, "Say that ain't too shabby."

After you listen to that check out the song of the week on their discography page. California Songs this song is another rocking and hysterical song. Good times. Good luck Local H, you guys Fucking Rock^TM! (Yes I broke the fuck barrier, deal with it.)

r++>r+++ (The Valentine's Day Entry)

So those of you that saw my last post and followed the cheat should have a clue as to what I am getting at with the title of this entry.

Basically that mish-mash of characters means that I have been seeing my significant other for a couple years but in the future I want/will be married to that significant other. The significant other has a name (Rita) and the will be married is just a short 26 days from today.

Everyone always asks me if I'm nervous about getting married. Let's see. We are talking about making a drastic life change, about losing the freedom of single living that I've had for the last 6 years, about being with Rita for the rest of my days, and the very real possibility that I will have to grow up. If you weren't the slightest bit nervous given all that then I'd have to say you are a looney.

Months ago when I was about to propose I told my friends that I was getting ready to get on the wedding rollercoaster. Well my friends, I am at the part where the coaster is at the top of the long climb up where you can see what is about to come. Right before you start to pick up the speed that will send you flying across the rest of the track.

Now having said all that I want to make it clear that I have no doubts. I'm excited and yes nervous about what the future holds, but I have no doubts about choosing Rita to be my bride (technically she chose me to be her husband first, but more on that later (and why it doesn't count in my book)). I'm really nervous about the wedding though. We currently have 139 people coming and still haven't heard from all 213 that were invited. This is the largest party I've ever planned by a factor of 10! That is a horking lot of people and a lot of things that could possibly go wrong or be overlooked. Hopefully everything will come together and now that we have booked everything all we have to do is the nitty-gritty details, but that is where the Devil resides after all.

On a side note I saw that my good friend, señor Duc has made a huge mention of me on his blog (size 10 font to be specific) and has made a challenge to me about keeping up on my entries. Well Duc, I see your entry and raise you one.

(Here's my obligatory reference to spam bots and dead guinea pigs for those of you in the viewing audience that are keeping score.)

Geek Code

I know all you loyal spam bots and dead guinea pigs have been dying to know, well wait no longer! Here is my geek code in all its glory!


-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.12
GCS/G d--(+)@ s+:- a- C++$ ULSC++$ P+>++ L++>++++ E--- W+>+++ N++@ o K? w(--) O- M>+ V-- PS+@ PE+@ Y+ PGP- t++@ 5 X+ R-(++)* tv- b++>+++ DI++++ D++ G++ e++>+++ h>--- r++>+++ y++*>+++
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------


(Here's a cheat for all of you that don't know what in tarnation this means.)

First Post!

This whole blogging trend is really amazing. A year ago I didn't even know what a blog was despite being a huge computer nerd. Now it seems like everything has its own blog (including my dead guinea pig, George or G-Money for short even though it is longer). Since I found out what a blog was a few months ago I started following a few of them. My favorites right now are two by my friends (snoodish and The Duc Pond) as well as Wil Wheaton's blog.

So why am I doing this all you faithful spam bots* ask. Well I got tired of waiting for my friends to write a post regarding things we had discussed or ideas I had on my mind. So I will bring them out here.

So lets see... how about them Eagles...

(Gee this is harder than wonkette makes it out to be. Maybe I should have another beer and try this again later.)

!!!Disclaimer!!!
*I realize that there are some real people likely to read this site, but since I haven't told anyone about it yet I think there are probably more spam bot hits than actual hits from people viewing it.